You may feel like it’s the end of the world after arguing with your partner, but it isn’t. Surprisingly, arguments in relationships are actually good and healthy.
Most relationships go through a honeymoon phase, which occurs during the early days of the relationship. It happens when attraction and happiness are at their peak. All you can fixate on are the positive qualities of your partner. However, once this phase ends, you start to notice their negative characteristics, which is when the fight begins.
When that happens, there’s no reason to get dramatic and end the relationship. Instead, you can perceive the argument as an opportunity to understand your partner better. This will make you grow closer to each other.
Here’s how to achieve a healthy debate with your partner.
Actively Listen and Understand
Most arguments start when negative communication patterns arise. For instance, you ask your partner to clean the house. However, the day ends and they still haven’t done what they were told. As a result, you get mad and start a heated argument with them.
In this case, it is crucial to not let the emotions get the best of you. You may feel the need to yell, or worse, hit your partner. The best you can do is take a step back, pause, and breathe. Once you’re calm, you can discuss the issue with them. And while talking, you should listen attentively and understand things from their viewpoint.
State Your Part Calmly
After listening, take some time to breathe and absorb what they said. In the same example, they might not clean the house because they’re too exhausted from working all day. They’re not lazy, they just don’t have the extra energy to clean after a long day of work.
After you’ve reflected, you can now patiently state your side. This way, not only will your partner listen to you, but they will also understand what you’re going through.
Have Proper Timing
There are instances where you and your partner are both exhausted from having overflowing emotions because of the fight. In cases like this, you may need to consider scheduling the argument and only talk when you’re both calm and ready. This way, the stress and pressure are released and you can communicate your needs clearly.
Remember It’s Your Relationship versus the Problem
Many relationships end because couples don’t compromise after a fight. Sometimes, one is attacking the other for the purpose of winning. To avoid this, you need to snap yourself out of it and remember that you and your partner are on the same side.
When you step back and take a deep breath, you’ll realize that the enemy is not your partner but it’s the problem you’re both facing. It should be you and him versus the issue, not you versus him.
Reminder: Healthy Couples Fight
This may sound absurd, but happy relationships don’t last without fighting. Having healthy debates allow for relationships to grow. It allows couples to work together as a team and conquer problems, making the relationship stronger and better. However, there is a difference between healthy and toxic debates. Remember that healthy arguments bring you closer, but toxic ones can destroy the relationship you’ve built.
This story was originally published on Medium: How To Achieve A Healthy Debate With Your Partner
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